To the Mum Locked in the Bathroom…

Yes, that is how I spent a good ten minutes yesterday. Instead of being with my family “enjoying” my bank holiday, I was crying, commiserating and telling myself I was the worst mother/wife/businesswoman in the world – because I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I was so overwhelmed by everything. I was tired. I hadn’t slept at all in nearly three days (haven’t had a proper sleep in years to be honest!), I was terribly behind on my work load, felt that because I have no time I was missing out on so many opportunities that were just passing me by, the stack of dishes in the kitchen was appalling, clothes were roughly stuffed into my youngest’s drawers and were spilling out of them – because she outgrew half of them and I still had to sort through, and fix the drawers which were coming apart and wouldn’t close any more. My youngest has the chicken pox, and I am in the middle of potty training my oldest – to be frank this is the third time I have tried, and although going a bit better it isn’t going well – I had just finished scrubbing poo out of the carpet, and the bathroom had that distinctive smell of pee, most likely from the rug I still had to put in the washer. I could here crying coming from downstairs and just sat and sobbed, feeling defeated. 

So there I was sitting on my dirty toilet, surrounded by a pile of toilet paper, feeling sorry for myself, feeling like I was never going to accomplish anything in life, feeling bad because earlier I had yelled at my eldest as she tried to climb my arm while I was using the computer causing me to make a mistake and have to start everything all over again. There is so much behind the scenes work that goes on in a small business that is much more than the finished product. And I had fallen behind on all of that, and if I didn’t magically find the time to do it I would lose it all.

I let myself have a good cry, I let it all out. Then I wiped my eyes, pulled myself together, and told myself it was okay. Was the house a disaster? Hell yes. Did it really matter? Were the girls embarrassed or unhappy? No. Were we expecting anyone? No. So what? Let. It. Go. Is potty training not going so well? Yeah, but there are no adults walking around in diapers, so she will figure it out, like she has for everything else. Let. It. Go.  As for work, that is a toughie. I still struggle with it everyday. 

There are so many expectations put on us mums, by society, yes, but we are the biggest culprits. We want everyone to be happy, the kids, our partners, our clients, because we tell ourselves that if they are happy so are we! Then we give ourselves a virtual slap and tell ourselves we deserve a manicure/ massage/ girls night, and we go out – but the brain is there thinking, “OMG I have so much to do! What was I thinking??” Self sabotage – right there. And we come full circle…

So I guess the point of this very long, rambling post is that, it is ok to lock yourself in the bathroom. Let it all out. And then let it go. Give yourself a break. We are all Supergirl, but even she has her Kryptonite. Nobody can do it all all the time. And most importantly: you are not alone! We all have our bad days – every single one of us, but we are amazing!

Thank you for bearing with me – I am here if you want to cry together 🙂